je ne regrette rien
by ravingsofafangirl
Summary: Kurt wants Blaine. Blaine wants Kurt, so, what's the problem, exactly?
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** je ne regrette rien

**Rating:** MA+ for most, possibly NC17 for later sections.

**Synopsis:** Kurt wants Blaine. Blaine wants Kurt, so, what's the problem, exactly?

**Author's Notes:** Aren't I naughty, starting a second piece when I have another on the go. This is probably going to be far shorter than the other fiction I'm writing for Kurt and Blaine. It's an idea that began as a mood post and I expanded on. I'm sure there are endless grammatical issues with it because I don't have a beta reader.

I will likely revise it once I complete the story. Part 2 will probably go up within the next few hours.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. All is property of Fox and Ryan Murphy, etc.

**Je ne regrette rien**

**Part I - Wanting**

It was all the Warblers fault.

They had thrown a farewell party for Blaine at Dalton and at some point after he'd already gulped down several glasses of it Kurt realized the punch had in fact been spiked. He wasn't exactly sure who had done the deed but he'd decided to cast dubious looks in Jeff's direction because he looked entirely too happy about everyone stumbling about; singing and swaying off key to Alicia Keys. About the time the conga line of Warblers started weaving around the room was when Kurt retreated to the sofa where he now sat, watching the proceedings like a dozing feline; curled up against the arm with his chin lazily propped on his palm.

Blaine had a Dalton tie knotted around his head, the ends dangling against his cheek, they were swaying very slightly as he talked with animated hand gestures to Wes.

Kurt felt an almost irresistible desire to giggle at the sight rising up because it was so ridiculous.

_So_ ridiculous.

He opened his mouth to do just that because the alcohol in his system had made him all warm and fuzzy at the edges but instead of laughing, he hiccuped.

Blinking, he covered his mouth with a hand and blushed.

Of course, nobody seemed to have noticed because Jonathan had chosen that precise moment to climb on top of a table and start stripping to _Sexyback_. The horror. Kurt tried to stand up in order to inform Blaine they had to leave right this instant because he refused to be exposed to any more of Jonathan's body (or dancing) against his will but he only got half way before gravity conspired against him and he wobbled, dizzy and disorientated.

Kurt felt his knees buckling.

He was going to face plant against the floor.

He was going to face plant against the floor and it was going to be very unpleasant.

"Whoa, easy."

Something warm and solid had come to his rescue and he blearily peered up at his saviour from his half collapsed position; cheek squashed against what appeared to be a shoulder.

"You're not the carpet." He said dreamily to Blaine; who grinned and shook his head.

His make shift Dalton head-band flapped against his cheek.

"Not last time I checked. You drank the punch, huh?" Blaine wrapped an arm around Kurt's waist and helped him stand straighter; bracing him with two hands at his hips. Kurt teetered a little, and wound one of his hands into his boyfriend's collar. He focused on Blaine's throat; the way the eve of the shirt where his tie usually was framed his Adam's apple and leaned in to nuzzle that spot.

"You have a very nice throat." He started kissing it; and Blaine laughed and held him closer; one palm rubbing a little up and down his back. "And you're very drunk, I think." Kurt hummed a little against his skin and sucked along Blaine's throat until he found his passage blocked by clothing.

He hated clothing.

Especially on Blaine.

Blaine needed just to be naked all the time to spare Kurt the trouble of trying to undo buttons when his fingers were clumsy and uncoordinated. "Kurt, what are you doing?" Blaine sounded very amused; his voice close to Kurt's ear so that it stirred his hair. The sensation made him shiver and he blinked; realizing he'd been swaying; trying to undo the first of Blaine's shirt buttons.

"Stupid ridiculously complicated things." He argued, mouth mutinying with drunken resentment against the buttons. He tried to pay attention to what Blaine was saying, because oh, words. "… you home before Jonathan gets his pants off." Kurt sighed as his boyfriend took his hands away from his clothing and helped him over to the sofa; sitting him down and standing between his legs; hands cupping his face.

"Stay right here, I'm going to get our coats."

Kurt squinted at him. "I can't take anything you say seriously when you're wearing your Dalton tie as a bandana, Blaine."

"Oh, right. Thad put that on me earlier." He leaned in and pressed a kiss to Kurt's hairline and Kurt tried to lift his face to chase down Blaine's mouth because - kissing! - he was _so_ co-ordinated enough for that but Blaine had already wandered away to fetch their coats and Kurt breathed out slowly through his nose, trying to focus on making the world not-merry-go-round crazy.

What the hell had Jeff put in the punch, gasoline?

An arm fell heavily over Kurt's shoulder and his eyes flew open. Gasping, he flailed for a moment before realizing it was a very drunk Wes. It was strange to see the normally stoic Warbler so red-faced and clearly emotional, if his red eyes were any indication. "Kurt!" He said very loudly and Kurt winced; his head was beginning to really hurt.

"Hi, Wes. Good party. Blaine seemed to have fun."

"Yes, yes but Kurt," why was he speaking so _loud_, why did the world want Kurt to suffer every time he got intoxicated? "First we lose you and now Blaine to New Directions. This is our saddest hour, Kurt." Wes' voice was scratchy; eyes filled with tears as he collapsed against Kurt and pushed air from the other boy's lungs. Kurt tried helplessly to regain his balance and think of something remotely comforting to say. "Well technically," he offered fuzzily; his head trying to make sense of the words he was saying before he said them. "I came _from_ New Directions, so you didn't really lose me so much as you borrowed me."

Wes began to sob; loud, wracking ones that shook his entire body (and Kurt's) and Kurt looked around, panicking.

"Blaine!" He called shrilly; and felt his body go slack with relief when his boyfriend re-appeared; carrying their coats over one arm. He stopped short at the sight of Wes, draped over Kurt's side; crying into his shoulder. Kurt's eyes were wide with fear and Blaine could barely keep the smile off his face as he slowed down; approaching warily.

"Wes. I'll sort of be needing my boyfriend back."

Sniffing miserably, Wes sat up unsteadily and lurched forward at sight of Blaine; enveloping him in a drunken bear hug. "I'm going to miss you so much, Blaine." He burst into a fresh flurry of tears and Kurt stared on as the other Warblers began to join the embrace until he lost sight of Blaine amongst the hoard.

"Oh, my God I'm too drunk to deal with this."

He lay his head back, forgot he was perched on the arm of the sofa and promptly fell backwards, legs in the air.

Landing on the sofa cushions he let himself be still; trying to convince the ceiling to stop spinning so damn fast while his boyfriend was smothered by drunken Warblers. "Please don't crush him," he called sleepily over the music and the wailing and Jonathan, gyrating around a table somewhere nearby. Kurt was pretty sure he saw a Dalton blazer go flying overhead.

"He's so short and I need all his parts."

* * *

><p>He was sure he hadn't fallen asleep but the next thing Kurt knew he was walking, or well, Blaine was walking and he was leaning heavily against Blaine as he steered him toward his car. "Why aren't you drunk again?" He complained as Blaine leaned him back against the car to unlock the passenger side door. He pulled it open and laughed a little under his breath as he navigated Kurt into the seat; his hands on Kurt's arms and head very gentle as he folded him into the vehicle.<p>

"Because I was driving and I knew better than to sample anything made by Jeff."

Kurt's eyes closed. "I knew it was his fault." His mouth dipped into a moue of distress as Blaine buckled him in and then began to pull away. "No, wait. Don't go away. I have to tell you something, Blaine. I, it's very important information." He was gripping his boyfriend's collar again; his bicep and he could feel the muscle shifting as Blaine leaned back. Could see his dark eyes framed by those ridiculously long eyelashes; his supple mouth bent to a smile at once tender and wry.

"What's that?"

Kurt's breathing was coming very hard and fast as he stared at Blaine's mouth. He lifted a hand; his movements sluggish to his own senses and touched Blaine's face; tracing those lips just enough to feel Blaine's smile; the little puff of amused air that passed through his mouth. They were red and soft and when he ran his fingertips over them again he could feel the seam of them where they became wet and hot.

"Kurt."

He shivered; he was feeling Blaine speaking.

"I, yes. I was … Blaine, I love you."

At that admission, the other boy's expression softened and he took Kurt's exploring fingers in his and raised them back to his mouth; turning his hand and depositing a gentle kiss to his knuckles. "I love you too, Kurt but right now I need to get you home before Burt sends out the national guard."

He whined and tried to cling on but Blaine had the advantage of being sober and shut the door resolutely. Kurt's head lolled back against the seat as the shorter boy climbed into the driver's side. Well, alright. But Kurt still needed to say what he needed to say and if Blaine was going to make him use dirty tactics so be it. Kurt drew on the reserves of drunken courage still buzzing inside him and unbuckled his seat-belt; climbing over onto Blaine's lap as he was preparing to start the engine.

"Kurt, what are you -"

He kissed Blaine firmly; settling onto his lap and moaning as he ground down against him; stimulating his cock through his pants. They were tight and the friction was just right and Blaine's mouth was so warm and wet against his. He dipped his tongue into Blaine's mouth; tracing over his own and felt Blaine's hands move into his hair; grip against his back.

"Kurt." He breathed; tearing his mouth away even as his hips bucked up against Kurt's instinctively. "Kurt you're drunk."

"I know," Kurt dove back at Blaine's mouth; mauling it and biting down on the lush lower lip turning swollen and tender beneath his rough ministrations. "I, I want to, though. Blaine, I want to have sex. I want to have sex with you so much." He was babbling; blushing and yet somehow not afraid to say the words out loud; not when he could feel how hard Blaine was against him, when he could feel how Blaine's hands tightened in his hair and against his back. "It's okay too because I've read all these pamphlets my Dad gave me and I know how to, what to do now."

"Kurt." Blaine said quietly; tenderly as if Kurt had said something that moved him and held him back with fingers firm in his hair; shaking his head a little like a mother might a baby kitten to gain its attention. "I want that as well. So much." Kurt could feel something sharp and hot like excitement burst inside him; pooling down toward his belly and thighs where he was still so close to Blaine. Though not as close as he'd like to be. His eyes were bright and hard as diamonds; glassy with alcohol as he breathed a little laugh.

Splayed his hands against Blaine's chest.

"Can I-"

"But not here."

Kurt froze; his drunken mind trying to process. "Not?"

"No."

"Oh."

Kurt suddenly felt very small and foolish, sitting on top of Blaine in the middle of the Dalton faculty parking lot. Anybody could happen by and glimpse him trying to shove his tongue down his boyfriend's throat and all but - "_Oh_." He said again, dumbly, taking in Blaine's shirt where he'd somehow gotten two buttons undone; his red, kiss-abused mouth and tousled hair; the compassion and … Kurt didn't even know what the hell the name was for the look Blaine was giving him; just holding him there in place.

He was going to be sick.

"Kurt, I-" Blaine started to brush strands of hair from Kurt's forehead; then frowned as Kurt scrambled for the door; fingernails scratching at the upholstery before Blaine realized what he needed and opened it just enough for him to lean over - Kurt began to retch onto the concrete. He was moaning; stomach rolling and Blaine was rubbing at his back again; keeping him from toppling out of the car.

"It's okay, I've got you," he heard Blaine murmur and Kurt's eyes and throat both stung.

* * *

><p>Kurt could barely bring himself to look at Blaine on the drive back to Lima.<p>

Blaine had stopped at an obscenely overpriced gas station to fill up his Dad's tank and returned with a bottle of water and some aspirin. Kurt clung to the bottle gratefully; sipping from it continually as silence built between them and Kurt couldn't resolve himself to break it because every time he ventured to try he felt motion sick; his belly full of snakes and humiliation, all rattling around together.

He really couldn't believe he'd straddled Blaine in the middle of Dalton grounds and tried to drunkenly coerce him into having sex in his father's car.

The very worst part was the more sober he became, the stronger his sense of embarrassment grew until he was all but slouched against the window; regretfully staring out at the darkness as the head-lights of the car sliced through it; revealing lawn after lawn as they navigated into Kurt's neighborhood. Turning onto Kurt's street. When the car rolled to a gentle halt and Blaine parked it and killed the ignition the silence seemed total.

White noise filled Kurt's ears and he gripped the water bottle in hands gone white with stress.

Blaine cleared his throat beside him and Kurt's heart lurched painfully in his chest. "Your Dad left the lights on."

Kurt said nothing; mutely staring at his lap.

"You want me to help you inside?"

Kurt took a deep, shuddering breath and shook his head; he turned; fingers numb to unclip his seat-belt and moved to push open the door when he felt Blaine's hand suddenly grip his arm. Kurt froze and looked back. Blaine's face was a mask of uncertainty and agitation. He leaned over; put his mouth to Kurt's brow. Breathed out a little, murmured. "It's not because I don't want you."

Kurt swallowed and clutched back at Blaine's shoulder.

"I know." He whispered in a thin voice before he slid out of the car and began to slowly walk up his lawn. He moved carefully; aware of the tenderness still surrounding him like a haze. Everything still felt slightly unreal, especially the heavy presence of Blaine; eyes on Kurt's back as he walked resolutely up to his front door and vanished inside without looking back.

* * *

><p>Kurt was in bed, clutching his pillow and fighting the urge to cry when his phone buzzed half an hour later.<p>

**I love you.**

He let out a breath and tapped in a reply instantly.

**I love you too.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** je ne regrette rien

**Rating:** MA+ for most, possibly NC17 for later sections.

**Synopsis:** Kurt wants Blaine. Blaine wants Kurt, so, what's the problem, exactly?

**Author's Notes:** This part is a little shorter, but I needed to break it where I did not just for emphasis but so that I had time to properly sort out Kurt's response because … nice bombshell there, Blaine.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. All is property of Fox and Ryan Murphy, etc.

**Je ne regrette rien**

**Part 2 - Understanding**

He spent a large part of the following day avoiding his boyfriend at school.

He knew it was ridiculous and felt a strong pang of guilt grip his chest when Blaine caught sight of him down the corridor and waved and Kurt returned it with a tight smile before ducking down another way. He glimpsed the look of surprise and hurt on his boyfriend's face and felt wretched. It wasn't like it was Blaine's fault he'd gotten himself drunk or that he'd become incapable of controlling his impulses.

The longer Kurt dwelled on it though, the more he came to realize the core of his avoidance stemmed from knowing it wasn't the first time Blaine had hit the brakes on their intimacy. He'd slowed down their make out sessions a few times; untangling legs and mouths and calming hard breathing with some excuse or other. At first Kurt had thought it was cute, that Blaine thought he was trying to steal his virtue but lately …

Lately, Kurt was beginning to think there was more to it.

* * *

><p>Blaine tugged him into a supply closet after lunch and locked the door, switching on the hanging light.<p>

It was one of those old fashioned pull-string numbers with a single bulb swinging to and fro and Kurt absently wondered why the school didn't bother to fit it with a cover at the least.

Framed in the shifting light; Blaine's expression was one of frustration. "Kurt, what's going on? You've been avoiding me all day."

"I'd hardly call a few hours an entire day, Blaine," he retorted mildly, "Besides, we've gone longer without talking." He was hedging; shifting uncomfortably on the spot. It was a tiny space they were in; with shelves cluttering the walls and a mop and bucket stacked behind Kurt's right ankle pressing into his skin. It smelled like disinfectant and damp and through the thin wall they heard lockers slamming and then opening; voices filtering through as their classmates collected their books.

"That was different." Blaine insisted, his dark eyes studying Kurt. "We weren't together then.

This is because of last night, isn't it." He pressed, and Kurt snapped his head up; staring across at his boyfriend, lips pressing together into a thin line. As if the mention alone summoned it back, his head began to ache faintly; a gentle rolling throb behind his temples. "It's … sort of. Yes," Kurt sighed and cut his eyes away from Blaine's. "No. It's not just … not _just_ that. But it was pretty bad, Blaine. I almost threw up on your _crotch_, I can hardly stand how romantic that must have been especially since last time I was drunk I _did_ throw up."

Kurt winced; face knitting into disgust. "All over Miss Pillsbury's shoes."

He crossed his arms over his chest defensively as Blaine's mouth twitched at one edge. He stepped closer, and his shirt brushed Kurt's sleeve.

"Kurt, you understand why I stopped, right? I don't want us to … to rush into sex. Especially not in a parking lot while you're drunk." Kurt made a noise of frustration, hands coming loose from his sides. "Blaine it's not even about that. I know we both want it and I know we're not going to … to," he breathed out; blushing at the frank conversational way he was talking about having sex with this boy.

"Have _sex_ right away but I still want to touch you. I want to be able to get used to things before we … and you won't let me. You keep pushing me away as if I'm doing something _wrong_ by wanting to feel you or-or …" He broke off; watching the way Blaine's skin had steadily flushed a deep red; his eyebrows drawing low over his eyes, mouth pinching. Blaine swallowed and looked away; drawing back a little.

His eyes closed. "You're right, I have been hesitating to get too close, Kurt but it's not because of anything you've done. _Believe me_," his eyes opened; burning; hot and dark and full of something unspoken that made Kurt's throat close tight; caused heat to flood his body.

"I want to do all those things too."

"When why?"

Blaine's expression flickered; closed off and he looked down. Silence reigned.

Kurt felt his anger getting the better of him. "Okay, well. When you feel like sharing, Blaine you can come find me. I have to get to class." He was being unreasonable, catty and he hated that Blaine could do this to him, make him act this way. His hand was on the doorknob before there was a sharp intake of breath behind him and he found himself being pulled around; roughly pressed against the door; Blaine's mouth hot and insistent on his own.

"You drive me _crazy_," he was hissing between kisses; his hands sliding everywhere at once and his voice lost somewhere between vibrating anger and fear. "You know that?"

Kurt couldn't reply with anything but a moan; clutching at Blaine's shoulders and wrapping himself around him so tightly he could feel the rapid pounding of Blaine's heart through his shirt. "I hate the way you keep things to yourself," he panted out as Blaine's fingers knitted through his hair and Kurt sucked his tongue into his mouth; pressing his pelvis against Blaine's as he lurched forward; pushing Kurt further against the door. They rocked together; Blaine's other hand cupping his face; holding him in place while he molested Kurt's mouth.

"Blaine, Blaine." Kurt was saying his name over and again like a mantra as he clutched the other boy close and Blaine gave a muffled moan; face now pressed into the side of Kurt's neck. They were both breathing hard and Blaine set a lingering kiss to Kurt's neck, his pulse skittering beneath the skin before he drew back to simply stare into his boyfriend's eyes; a thumb rubbing against Kurt's bruised mouth.

Kurt could sense the impending withdrawal.

"Don't." He begged, and threw a leg around Blaine's calf; hooking him inward. A hand ventured down; pressed over his pants where he'd grown hard and Blaine's mouth opened; he let out a noise that might have been a vowel and a hand slammed against the door beside Kurt's head. "Kurt, God. Please, d-" Before Blaine could frame the denial, Kurt leaned in and swallowed it with his mouth as his fingers framed the outline of the other boy's cock. Stroked over it. Blaine was making rough; desperate sounds that Kurt had never heard before but knew for a fact he wanted to draw out more often for the effect they were having on him, if nothing else.

He was so hard his entire body ached with it.

"You want it too. Just let me." He whispered hotly against Blaine's ear and the other boy shuddered; ripping himself away with force. "No, I.. I don't want to. Not here."

"What is your _problem_, Blaine?" At some point Kurt realized he was shouting at his boyfriend and he blinked; his eyes pricking with tears. Oh God, why was he yelling at Blaine. He didn't mean to do it, but he was frustrated and horny and upset and … he didn't understand what was going on. At all. Blaine had wrapped his arms around himself and dropped his face down and it wasn't until his shoulders started to shake that Kurt realized he was crying.

Kurt's lips parted; he pushed away from the door and had his arms around Blaine in a heartbeat; shushing him; petting ineffectually at his hair; shoulders; cheek. Anything he could conceivably reach. "Blaine I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push you, please, Blaine. Don't cry. Don't cry. Honey, talk to me." Kurt felt Blaine's tears warm against his shoulder and collected him into his embrace; fingers smoothing the curls at the base of his neck.

Blaine clung to him for a long time.

They had been sitting on the floor; backs braced to the door for a while before Blaine began to speak.

He had his head resting on Kurt's shoulder; their fingers linked together; Kurt's other gently stroking through his dark hair while they waited out whatever frenzy had just passed between them. The quiet after the storm; or the stillness before one was unleashed. Kurt wasn't really sure which was more fitting as he waited for Blaine to let him in. Lower those frustratingly high walls he'd set around himself for so long.

"Remember when I told you about .. my old school."

"Mm."

Kurt's fingers stilled a moment against Blaine's scalp; then carried on. "Kurt, I … " He could feel Blaine struggling with something and turned his face; seeking his mouth. He kissed Blaine once, twice, so gently. Little brushes of his lips. "Go on," he encouraged. Blaine shuddered, and leaned his head back against the door; thumping it gently. Kurt watched his fingers flexing into claws; releasing.

"I'm not a virgin, Kurt."


End file.
